And now we can accept cash donations to the following PO Box!
Church of the Celtic Fisherman
Worldwide Assembly of Cod
Sometime in the next 16 million Earth Years the Sun will go into it's final phase of existence and expand rapidly before collapsing - in doing so, at least the planets Mercury, Venus, EARTH and Mars will be consumed in that Catastrophic event. Here are some useful hints to help you prepare for that predictable event in the life of anything, or even for a nuclear holocaust (which is NOT a natural event). Your own suggestions are ALWAYS welcome.
If you KNOW it has begun, stand outside facing the Sun, reach down and put your head between your legs, strain upwards as far as you can and kiss your ass goodbye.
If it is night where you are, no matter. It's all over anyway. The good news is no more Bills to pay.
In the meantime, while you are waiting, some hints to improve your life and loves
in order for good there has to be evil;
there will always be a mystery of the divine purposes of God which we cannot fully grasp;
natural disasters are meant to shake people out of their complacency and lead them to seek Her
One religious view which makes sense states, “follow expert leadership – believe in the facts of nature and the existence of earthquakes as natural phenomena, plan accordingly and help each other.”
In the event that the Sun remains sustaining us, thank COD, the following are measures you should take. We will make this simple and straightforward and will take our time in publishing so you can easily follow the directions and not be overwhelmed. In any event these are recommended strategies and measures you should take just in case something should happen and you find yourself without any of the “luxuries” we take for granted. I write from experience., the victim of the effects of a tornado!
On any airline you are instructed, in the event of an emergency, to put on your oxygen mask first before you try to help any fellow passenger. Makes sense, right? If you can’t breathe you’re pretty useless to anyone around you.
In preparing for a possible disaster think first of you and your family. When you satisfy those needs you are free to add any extras your heart points to! You will have neighbors who didn’t prepare for the unexpected and will therefore need help. We’ll be very kind and describe these individuals as unfortunate rather than incredibly stupid!
1 gallon per person per day for three days (minimum).
Store in 5-gallon cans or 2-liter soda bottles. I use 5-gallon plastic containers I purchased at a camping store. Do NOT use milk jugs as they are almost impossible to clean properly and can be breeding grounds for bacteria. Add one teaspoon of nonscented bleach per quart of water. The bleach is safe as it dissipates over time and loses its effectiveness just like the chlorine in your drinking water. Because you added it to a closed container, however, it will kill any pathogens in the water.
Replace twice a year for safety (use daylight savings time as a guide?)
Store the water in a cool, dry place, out of direct sunlight. I use my basement. This protects the plastic container and prevents any possible algae growth.
O.K. Hopefully you took the advice and by now you have your supply of water all set. Feels good – right?
Now let’s move on to FOOD – again a minimum of a three-day supply.
Unlike water, people have preferences but it is straightforward. You can buy food supplies that are rated for a 25-year shelf life and come prepacked in their own knapsack/backpack and only need added water. Obviously in a very serious emergency your power and gas will go off so perhaps you should consider a generator to keep the freezer working and an emergency light or small electric heater, depending on the season. Your outdoor grill could be a life saver if you remembered to keep a spare tank of gas. Remember that food has an expiration date but this can be solved by regularly rotating items in your pantry.
Strange, but when I think of food I wonder how Noah managed to feed over 55,000 animals on his ark. That’s todays estimate of land based species (Times two. One male and one female per species). To get some answers I again sought the answers from major religions. How did Noah and 7 other people build ark 450 feet long, 75 feet wide and 45 feet high and manage all those animals, many of whom were natural predators and didn’t eat vegetation.?
(ED. note: Bill Nye spoke at length about this and concluded that the wooden Ark would rip itself apart very quickly based on the experience of New England ship builders. Just saying.)
Noah later sinned and got drunk on wine. Why? Because “he was the first man to drink wine and therefore didn’t know its effects”!!!
(ED Note: the above are quotes from only a few of the more outrageous claims from various "Christian" apologists - is there ANYTHING they won't make up?)
O.K. enough crap. FOOD. Don’t forget the dog and the food. He/she can hear, smell, and see infinitely better than you and might just save your life!!
CANS of juice, meat, fruit, vegetables, ready-to-eat soup.
DON’T FORGET THE MANUAL CAN OPENER!!!
Seems very appropriate as Harvey hits Texas!!! They are in our hearts and prayers.
I’ll be honest and although I will give you a list of medical supplies which you can go out and buy individually it is better and cheaper to buy a kit and have it ready. Beware going into the kit and taking out “little” items. Leave it alone and intact and, again, check for expiration dates on things like adhesive bandages (the adhesive will deteriorate over a few years depending on where it is stored).
So, here’s the list:
Emergency airway kit
Instant cold pack
Seat belt cutter (keep one in your car!)
Sterile gauze pads
Sheer bandages (assorted sizes)
Surgical dressings/abdominal pads
Alcohol prep pads
Triangular bandages with pins
Here are the FEMA recommended items to include in a Basic Emergency Supply Kit taken from the FEMA website www.ready.gov
Water, one gallon of water per person per day for at least three days.
Food, at least a three-day supply of non-perishable food.
Flashlight and extra batteries.
First aid kit
Whistle to signal for help.
Dust mask to help filter contaminated air and plastic sheeting and duct tape to shelter-in-place.
Moist towelettes, garbage bags and plastic ties for personal sanitation.
Wrench or pliers to turn off utilities.
Can opener for food.